LET IT BE…..

Today, I heard some of Justin’s friends sing beautiful songs for a Benefit.  All the songs brought tears to my eyes because I could only imagine Justin singing with them those sweet sounds of music.  They sang two Beatle Songs” “Let it Be” and “Yesterday” OMG I so wish for the yesteryears when all my troubles seem so far away….

 

I wrote this in the Fall of 2013

 

LET IT BE!

Last week, a college friend who I believe meant well and who has been in “text contact” with me for the past six months saw me face to face. Prior to the encounter, he asked the host: When will Susan BE better? She told me she told him; never…

So, when I saw him, I truly believe he was really trying earnestly to lighten the air with small talk, and to make the conversation with the group feel like we were not all recovering from a disaster. However, after dinner when I said I had to leave, I watched him posture himself up enough nerve and say affectionately “ Hey Toler, when are you and Darrell going to take some vacation time?” From the side of my eyes I noticed my other two friends look at me in horror because they saw me go into my “Mama Bear” protection stance and turn my head/neck in a way akin to like the girl in the “Exorcist” movie. I said sternly, “I have been on an unplanned vacation for the past six months and I could have taken 2 trips around the world, but no trip is going to keep me from how I feel about the loss of Justin.”

I’m sure that the masses are hopeful that once we get through the “firsts” of the year following this horrific loss, then things will get back to normal. Well, all I said to close the deal of the conversation was “Let me Be!” If this happened to your son, (he has only one child) would you be ready to go on a vacation? I really did not mean to be so blunt, but my guard was down and I had to be honest. You can’t put a timeline on recovering from grief and everyone is different. For me, I still need lots of time to just BE.

When I got into the car, guess what was playing on the radio? The Beatles song “ Let it Be”. I have not heard that song in years.

“Let It Be”

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted
There is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Yeah there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be
Ah let it be, yeah let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music,
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Yeah let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah let it be
Oh there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah let it be
Oh there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Ah let it be, yeah let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

For some reason, I could not stop thinking about that conversation with my friend so, today I watched the CBS segment on “ Justin’s Story again and I saw where I painfully said something like “All we wanted for Justin Carr World-Peace was to “LET HIM BE!”

http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/video/9192544-parents-struggle-with-sudden-death-of-teen-son-who-collapsed-in-harvard-westlake-pool/

Who knows what Justin could have been had he was given the natural extension on his life. People often asked; what did he like the most? Well, Justin had a lot of passions and he really never said, “All he wanted to be is ___________________. He loved to learn, draw, to help, to teach, to laugh, sing, dance, act, history, architecture, math, theatre, design, good food and happiness etc…

His friend Mintis
shared many classes with Justin over the years and most recently she had three classes with him including Art. This past May she put it poignantly to us when she wrote “ I have been hearing about Justin’s plans and triumphs for the past five years, and although he was always planning to be the man he wanted TO BE, he did not know he already was him”. I can smile knowing that Darrell and I always encouraged him TO DO and TO BE whoever he wanted TO BE.

The H-W students did a wonderful job this past Saturday when they presented art to about 30 kids and tutored 10 in Algebra at the school that Justin adopted to help. The kids felt empowered to express themselves and were proud of their work. After the music played and the chatter stopped, they each got the opportunity to present their work to the group. We were speechless after a 7th grade girl came up and showed her watercolor image. She said proudly “ This is an eye, as you can see, it is shedding tears and crying because she is unique. But, it is ok TO BE unique and she smiled and walked away.

A dear friend Shari Mitchell sent me an email after she read the article about the HW

http://www.hwchronicle.com/news/students-to-voluntarily-teach-weekend-arts-classes-at-public-school-in-honor-of-carr/

“Susan, what a wonderful continuation of Justin’s dream!!!

I had a conversation with my physical therapist tonight. He is a 40 plus something single man who I adore. He helps to heal people physically every day. Anyway, I noticed that he looks incredible and he proceeded to tell me why. As a little boy with terrible parents he was not permitted to live his desire to play a musical instrument and/ or to dance. His dad was a football player and would have nothing of it. 10 months ago he started taking piano lessons and ballet classes. (He had never done either!)
Not only is he talented but he feels as if it is healing his terrible childhood.

I told him about you and Darrell and how you not only allowed your son to follow his passions but your nourished them. I just wanted to relay this to you because as extremely unfairly short Justin’s life was it is outstanding that he lived able to follow his dreams.
My friend actually said, teary eyed, if given the choice to live a shorter life able to follow his passions or live his life without he would choose the
first. He also said Pursue your passions. They have never left you.

So to the young and old TO BE OR NOT TO BE? THAT IS THE QUESTION

I’m glad that Mother Mary has come to me speaking words of wisdom Let it be.

Parents Struggle With Sudden Death Of Teen Son Who Collapsed In Harvard-Westlake Pool
losangeles.cbslocal.com
An Altadena couple remembered the life and sudden death of their teen son who collapsed in a Harvard-Westlake pool earlier this year. CBS2’s Suraya Fadel reports.
 JCWWP_Logo_with_Butterfly_II_copy copy

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.