Dear guardian angel justin


Numbers, Wings, Butterflies & Things

Dear Guardian Angel Justin,


The day our world changed. 

Justin had a good day at school.

He called at work me before swim practice.

He was laughing.

He was dancing.

Collage of Justin by Justin

He was singing to Beyonce’s song: 

            End of Time

Come take my hand

I won’t let you go

I’ll be your friend

I will love you so, deeply

I will be the one to kiss you at night

I will love you until the end of time”

Then he dove into the pool. 

He swam a few butterfly laps.

He went into Sudden Cardiac Arrest.

Later we learned of an undiagnosed heart condition.

Our Father, Mother, and Son linkage was broken.



“All my troubles seemed so far away

Now it looks as though they’re here to stay

Oh, I believe in yesterday.”

I spent hours in Justin’s room.

Looking at his handwriting on things.

Gazing at his bookshelf.

Something was snuggled tight between books.

There was a figurine of 3 little angels. 

Justin’s Gift to Me
My 2 sister sisters. I’m always in the middle.

He gave it to me on my Birthday.

He said it reminded him of my two sisters and me.

Tucked in the corner was a handmade boy rag doll.

My friend Michelle gave it to Justin.

As a toddler, he called it: “Angel Baby.”

Justin and His Angel Baby 1997

The halo was missing.

I flipped it over.

The wings were still there after 25 years.

Its wings looked like a butterfly.

Angel Wings

I had never thought of the similarities.

Between a butterfly and angel wings.

Butterfly on my hand in Costa Rica 2017

But there it was.

Right in front of my eyes.

But I won’t have any troubles looking at these angels!

The sight of butterflies silences me with joy.


There is a lot of talk about numerology.

I read about the 2’s


“2” means

Guardian Angel #2 

Reminder of their presence in my life

To move forward

That I’m on the right path and keep it that way

They will take me under their wings 

They will protect and watch me

They will show me that life is more than I see

“22,” is the number of the master builder. “This is the number associated with building something bigger than yourself. And it’s about what we can build when we work together.”

“222” affirms your path and requests to stay true in your light. Trust in your process. The angels are showing you that they want happiness for you. View 222 as a reminder that there is always hope.

“22222” “This day is a great one to reflect on how we communicate with our loved ones and to seek to maintain an open-heart connection. Today is about connections and coming together—not just in one-on-one pairs but among larger groups and communities, as well. Taken together, those themes underscore our connections to our communities and the world as a whole— “This is a day that can help us move forward as a global society, hopefully, closer to a resolution that can benefit us all.”

Today we went to the cemetery.

I watched Darrell carefully clean Justin’s stone.

Then he remembered we forgot to get flowers.

He went up the street to pick flowers from his beloved mother’s garden.

He came back with a bundle of Bird of Paradise.

He said: “I clipped 9 flowers.”

I said: Why 9?

He said, looking at me: “It’s been 9 years since Justin died.”

In that moment, I had forgotten.

I snap a picture.

When I got home I responded to Ms. Q’s text.

She was his elementary school Principal.

Justin loved being in her plays she produced at school.

Justin as Rafiki in the “Lion King” 4th Grade
Justin and Ms. Q his Middle School Principal 2012

I sent her the picture of the flowers.

She writes back : 

“In Hawaiian, Birds of Paradise means “Little Globe” and represents magnificence. The bird of paradise is the official flower for a ninth wedding anniversary. Birds of paradise also represent having a good perspective on life.”

Justin drew his “Little Globe”
Justin and his Globe he made out of a ball 5th Grade

I read  the message to Darrell.

We were shocked.


Then I read: “The emotions, creativity, and other elements of Number 2 will upgrade or go one level higher, as this day is also influenced strongly by Number 9.”

I can’t believe it’s been 9 years.  

Like yesterday, today and tomorrow, I will continue to love this life and live it as bravely, faithfully, and cheerfully as I can on the wings of Justin’s love—until the end of time.

On the Wings of Love By Jeffrey Osborne 

Just smile for me

And let the day begin

You are the sunshine

That lights my heart within

And I’m sure that you’re

An angel in disguise

Come take my hand and

Together we will rise

On the wings of love

Up and above the clouds

The only way to fly

Is on the wings of love

On the wings of love

Only the two of us

Together flying high

Flying high up on the wings of love

Dear Guardian Angel Justin,

Please keep sending us signs in the numbers, butterflies, wings, and things.


Mom aka OTTO


Angel Wings & Butterflies

Flowers that mean Little Globe

Numbers that mean peace, community, and hope

Songs with Meaning

I can’t make this up!

The Family
Justin in Catalina 2012S
Susan wearing Justin’s jacket in Catalina 2017
Card to me from Justin on Valentines. Why he calls me OTTO
Poem written by Justin’s friend Claire Nordstrom

28 thoughts on “Dear guardian angel justin”

  1. All glory to God for sending Angel Justin to our planet. I remember learning about another Heavenly Soul that our God sent us. While He was on earth He was so well loved. Yet, He, too, experienced suffering and death. Our Loving, Merciful, and Graceful God enfolded this Bright and Morning Star and crowned Him King of Kings after His earthly departure. This Heavenly Soul was Jesus. His teachings of love, peace, hope, forgiveness, compassion have been of major influence to the world for 2000 years. I thank God for Justine’s parents, Darrell and Susan Carr. Our God chose them as the deliverers of our precious Justin to this planet. He also has blessed them in continuing to build the legacy of their beloved son, Angel Justin Carr. As a pre-teen, Justin firmly expressed to his parents what he wanted as a Christmas gift. And what was it that he desired? JUSTIN CARR WANTS WORLD PEACE! Because Mom Susan and Dad Darrell have continued to share Justin’s beautiful heart and soul in his writings, art, and life experiences, Justin, in heaven, has become loved, inspired, and admired by people the world over. That is why God sent him to us through such wonderful parents. Justin is so precious and special. I can only imagine how proud my Jesus Christ must be of him also.

  2. Truly an incredible soul and I love all of the angel numbers notes. Beautiful. Sending you and Darrell love, Gracelyn

    1. Thank you Gracelyn your Book: Beyond Grief: Snapshots of Life After Loss has made a difference in my life! Thank you for opening up your heart and mind and telling yours and our stories.

  3. Thank you for sharing Mrs Susan and Mr. Darrell… I am blown away at the numerology… the 9 year anniversary of Justin, your angel, on 2/22/22. He will always be remembered, because of you two beautiful people, and I feel struck with awe to have learned the story that will be told forever… and to never stop learning the beautiful things about Justin. Ever since hearing his story in 2020, I believe that Justin is with us with every stride towards peace in the world; It’s like an energy that only those who have lost one whom can’t ever be replaced begin to describe. Blessed to have met you, Susan!
    Sincerely, Syd

    1. Sydney,
      Thank you for being a heart with ears and having the energy and compassion to listen to me speak and read my words. xoxo Susan

  4. I remember working with the maker of the angel baby ragdoll in anticipation of Justin’s birth. I bought it because of all the struggles you had during pregnancy and the miracle of his arrival. I never dreamed it would transform – just as Justin gained his halo the doll transforms it’s wings.

    1. OMG, Michelle, Michelle, Michelle!!!!
      Thank you for reminding my brain of your gift you gave Justin when he was born. He/ We cherished it all of these years. It looks brand new– just as your new words of making me look at our Angel Baby Justin who grabbed his halo on the way out! He is the wind beneath my wings and will be keeping his OTTO afloat.
      Your friendship and your skills and attention to details have remained unchanged since our Universal Creative days over 28 years ago!! Thank you!

  5. Susan and Darrell,
    What beautiful words about your beautiful boy who always was a beautiful soul. You should be so proud as to what wonderful parents you are to Justin when he was here with us and now when he is watching over all of us. I take great comfort in feeling his presence through your words. I am always so in awe how you have found a way to grieve and celebrate Justin simultaneously. Just know you are always surrounded by love. Susan Wieder

  6. Susan and Darrell,
    What beautiful words about your beautiful boy who always was a beautiful soul. You should be so proud as to what wonderful parents you are to Justin when he was here with us and now when he is watching over all of us. I take great comfort in feeling his presence through your words. I am always so in awe how you have found a way to grieve and celebrate him simultaneously. Just know you are always surrounded by love. Susan Wieder

    1. Susan,
      Thank you for finding the words in the aftermath of our loss of Justin to walk this journey with us and connecting us in friendship that will last as we walk on this path called life!!

  7. I love the serendipity of all these symbols because you and Darrell keep open hearts and express both your sorrow and your healing as Justin continues to be with you and in your lives! I am sure it will keep happening, and slowly, slowly instead of another heartbreak it will transpose to moments of sheer joy as he keeps touching your hearts, and the symbols keep showing up in your lives! My dear Mom loved birds of paradise and butterflies – so I always smile and have a little ‘chat’ with her when I see them! You gave us all special thoughts for a special day, 2222020

    1. Cat,’Your heart is full of love for us and your little buddy Justin that loved to learn from you. Thank you for walking with us on this journey xoxo

  8. Wow, so beautiful Susan. Justin is truly a phenomenon! With every writing, I learn something new. Today it was numerology and Justin’s “Angel Baby” (sweet, chunky guy in his overalls is everything ❤️❤️❤️). The fact that 2/22/2222 fell on a TUESday, you and Darrell are 2 commemorating today and everyday together. Everything you said is so true. You’re a Builder. That was your job 9 years ago. Now you’re a creator of another kind, building Justin’s legacy. And it’s amazing! A talented, intelligent, strong presence, Justin pulls you in (he definitely drew our attention at HW orientation). So unique, radiating positivity and love. The #2 in a long sequence like this is also supposed to mean ENERGY and I hope you felt it today in a big way! The flowers are beautiful! It’s been 9 years, but we’ll continue to celebrate Justin for life. For life, he deserves it. Again, every year we learn something new. I hope you keep writing. That’s a testament to Justin and all he gave to the world. And to you and Darrell because you (2) filled him up, fueled him as his parents so that he could make a HUGE impact. He definitely did that and now he’s passed that on to you (looking at how many kids your help today). Love to you all! Blessings to Justin in Heaven. Keep making your Mom & Dad proud!!! xoxoxo

    1. Thank you Lisa for putting my thoughts into your perspective! They all lead back to the joy and love that Justin felt and produced on this Earth and Beyond. Thanks for being present! Your family is a gift!

  9. Sue and Darrell thought of you all all day yesterday. I remember new born Justin in Orlando and seeing him through the years on our trips to Altadena. He was sooo nice to those strangers from Florida. Always nice always well reared by you two. You all did an excellent job with Justin. Love y’all Regina, Chris and Ruth

    1. Regina,
      Our Southern Bell Engineer Friend. It was our pleasure for returning the favor of hospitality and love. That is what you have shown to us. xoxo Thank you

  10. Hi Susan –
    Thank you for sharing all of the beauty and love Justin brought to the family and to every single person he met.
    Everything you wrote applies to my beautiful boy, David, who also left us on February 22, thirteen years ago, seems like a week.
    And, guess what I bought today? A large Bird of Paradise, to be planted exactly where some of David’s ashes are buried.

    1. Thank you Lisa for putting my thoughts into your perspective! They all lead back to the joy and love that Justin felt and produced on this Earth and Beyond. Thanks for being present! Your family is a gift!

  11. Thank you, Susan. So much of what you wrote applies to my beautiful, beloved son David, also lost on February 22.

    Guess what I bought today, hours ago? A large Bird of Paradise, which will planted exactly where some of David’s ashes remain.

    xxx Pepper

    1. Pepper,
      Ever since we met, our motherhood bond cannot be broken. Your love and pain for your precious son David is written all over your face and with every gesture of kindness you give to others especially to us . We will never forgot David. He probably greeted Justin on 2/22/13 with a big, big hug!

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