Dear guardian angel justin


Numbers, Wings, Butterflies & Things

Dear Guardian Angel Justin,


The day our world changed. 

Justin had a good day at school.

He called at work me before swim practice.

He was laughing.

He was dancing.

Collage of Justin by Justin

He was singing to Beyonce’s song: 

            End of Time

Come take my hand

I won’t let you go

I’ll be your friend

I will love you so, deeply

I will be the one to kiss you at night

I will love you until the end of time”

Then he dove into the pool. 

He swam a few butterfly laps.

He went into Sudden Cardiac Arrest.

Later we learned of an undiagnosed heart condition.

Our Father, Mother, and Son linkage was broken.



“All my troubles seemed so far away

Now it looks as though they’re here to stay

Oh, I believe in yesterday.”

I spent hours in Justin’s room.

Looking at his handwriting on things.

Gazing at his bookshelf.

Something was snuggled tight between books.

There was a figurine of 3 little angels. 

Justin’s Gift to Me
My 2 sister sisters. I’m always in the middle.

He gave it to me on my Birthday.

He said it reminded him of my two sisters and me.

Tucked in the corner was a handmade boy rag doll.

My friend Michelle gave it to Justin.

As a toddler, he called it: “Angel Baby.”

Justin and His Angel Baby 1997

The halo was missing.

I flipped it over.

The wings were still there after 25 years.

Its wings looked like a butterfly.

Angel Wings

I had never thought of the similarities.

Between a butterfly and angel wings.

Butterfly on my hand in Costa Rica 2017

But there it was.

Right in front of my eyes.

But I won’t have any troubles looking at these angels!

The sight of butterflies silences me with joy.


There is a lot of talk about numerology.

I read about the 2’s


“2” means

Guardian Angel #2 

Reminder of their presence in my life

To move forward

That I’m on the right path and keep it that way

They will take me under their wings 

They will protect and watch me

They will show me that life is more than I see

“22,” is the number of the master builder. “This is the number associated with building something bigger than yourself. And it’s about what we can build when we work together.”

“222” affirms your path and requests to stay true in your light. Trust in your process. The angels are showing you that they want happiness for you. View 222 as a reminder that there is always hope.

“22222” “This day is a great one to reflect on how we communicate with our loved ones and to seek to maintain an open-heart connection. Today is about connections and coming together—not just in one-on-one pairs but among larger groups and communities, as well. Taken together, those themes underscore our connections to our communities and the world as a whole— “This is a day that can help us move forward as a global society, hopefully, closer to a resolution that can benefit us all.”

Today we went to the cemetery.

I watched Darrell carefully clean Justin’s stone.

Then he remembered we forgot to get flowers.

He went up the street to pick flowers from his beloved mother’s garden.

He came back with a bundle of Bird of Paradise.

He said: “I clipped 9 flowers.”

I said: Why 9?

He said, looking at me: “It’s been 9 years since Justin died.”

In that moment, I had forgotten.

I snap a picture.

When I got home I responded to Ms. Q’s text.

She was his elementary school Principal.

Justin loved being in her plays she produced at school.

Justin as Rafiki in the “Lion King” 4th Grade
Justin and Ms. Q his Middle School Principal 2012

I sent her the picture of the flowers.

She writes back : 

“In Hawaiian, Birds of Paradise means “Little Globe” and represents magnificence. The bird of paradise is the official flower for a ninth wedding anniversary. Birds of paradise also represent having a good perspective on life.”

Justin drew his “Little Globe”
Justin and his Globe he made out of a ball 5th Grade

I read  the message to Darrell.

We were shocked.


Then I read: “The emotions, creativity, and other elements of Number 2 will upgrade or go one level higher, as this day is also influenced strongly by Number 9.”

I can’t believe it’s been 9 years.  

Like yesterday, today and tomorrow, I will continue to love this life and live it as bravely, faithfully, and cheerfully as I can on the wings of Justin’s love—until the end of time.

On the Wings of Love By Jeffrey Osborne 

Just smile for me

And let the day begin

You are the sunshine

That lights my heart within

And I’m sure that you’re

An angel in disguise

Come take my hand and

Together we will rise

On the wings of love

Up and above the clouds

The only way to fly

Is on the wings of love

On the wings of love

Only the two of us

Together flying high

Flying high up on the wings of love

Dear Guardian Angel Justin,

Please keep sending us signs in the numbers, butterflies, wings, and things.


Mom aka OTTO


Angel Wings & Butterflies

Flowers that mean Little Globe

Numbers that mean peace, community, and hope

Songs with Meaning

I can’t make this up!

The Family
Justin in Catalina 2012S
Susan wearing Justin’s jacket in Catalina 2017
Card to me from Justin on Valentines. Why he calls me OTTO
Poem written by Justin’s friend Claire Nordstrom